I love Skylar Grey‘s music. Her album The Buried Sessions of Skylar Grey provides the undoubtedly superior versions of each popular collaboration/demo she has done (unless you really like rap, I guess). Anyway, the main artist of this song is Kaskade, who I just learned is actually a man. What?! I had always assumed the opposite. (My ignorance has its reasons — it sounds like a rather feminine moniker, does it not? For example, Cascading Style Sheets always sounded so elegant in my mind despite its actual über-nerdy entity…)

The song is solid, but the music video reflects the typical weaknesses that some DJs face when making videos: they don’t know how to do anything other than produce music. Acting is out of the question. Dancing? Let’s not even go there. Or perhaps there’s a kind of DJ complex that incites these typically behind-the-scenes people to make sure we don’t forget who’s making the music. Anyhow, we’re treated to the sight of Kaskade creepily DJing for Skylar Grey’s stark bedroom (while schizophrenically doing so for a concert at the same time?), and apparently his music induces hallucinations in his victim as well. (Kaskade not-so-subtly invokes the name of his most recent album.) This looks fun! I’m just waiting for the DJ Sims game to come out so I can replicate the experience.

What happened to Jason Mraz??!?!? Good lord, this is the worst Valentine’s gift I’ve ever received — the only way this drastic decline in appearance is acceptable is if Jason is dealing with chronic illness or spending time in a third world country helping others deal with chronic illness. You won’t give up…battling dysentery, right, Jason? Don’t let it get to you! Fight back (with a haircut & shave)!

On a more sentimental note, once you get past Jason’s altered appearance, this music video is all about love, ostensibly the theme of his entire forthcoming album. We’re shown what appear to be people who are typically disenfranchised — old people. Handicapped people. Non-white people. Children. I gather that from these somewhat unrelated images, we’re supposed to glean an inspirational message. In case these deep meanings are lost on you, here are some handy suggestions:

I won't give up on you for coming home dirty because you were crawling in mud.

I won't give up on you for finding your mascara & lipstick but losing your concealer.

I won't give up on you when you renounce your American citizenship & move to Canada to become a mounty because American politics are brain-dead. (In fact, I'd be happy to join you.)

And most of all, Jason, we won't give up on you for looking like the grungy cousin of Chad Kroeger. Get well soon ♥

We’d all be forgiven for misreading the band name as Jessie and the Boy Toys, right? I wondered if Jessie Malakouti’s band members resented being referred to as boy toys, but apparently that’s a non-issue because Jessie’s boys are actually mannequins, which is perhaps where the stars of Old Navy commercials get promoted to.

I love the major side-eye that Jessie’s friends give her when she flashes a bit of her bra across the table.

"Dis bitch..."

I’d probably do the same thing. (“No boobs at the dinner table!!”) But then there’s a plot twist! Turns out it’s more like this:

"Dis bitch...is definitely my soul mate."

Apparently, Jessie is batting for the other team. This music video is a celebration of the overturning of Prop 8 in California, and Mollie Thomas, who plays Jessie’s love interest, is an openly gay lesbian woman competing for the title of Miss California 2013. I don’t necessarily support beauty pageants, but anything to avoid the Miss California kerfuffle of 2009 is good, I guess.

Where have I been??? Inexplicably taking a break from watching music videos — I apologize. But apparently people read this blog even when I don’t update (or at the very least, there are a lot of people who search for quattro volte vodka), so maybe it’s not a big deal. Onward!

I stumbled upon this video while searching for the music that plays at the end of the trailer for Studio Ghibli’s American release of The Secret World of Arrietty. Considering this is the official (North American) single for the movie, I figured this would be the song, but I was wrong, and was treated to this mess instead. As far as Disney-movie-tied mvs go, this one is pretty typical, though it doesn’t hold a candle to the veritable masterpiece of “I Still Believe” of Cinderella III (I do love me some Hayden Panettiere).

The only things holding this mv up are the clips from the movie, because even a subpar song and mediocre singer can’t ruin the magic of Hayao Miyazaki’s animations. This song has a Natasha Bedingfield feel if she sang like an un-autotuned Rebecca Black. (I think the song itself is mostly to blame for the weirdly bad vocals.) Bridgit’s name reminds me of other things, like bop it, twist it, pull it and pass it.

[Acoustic blue version]

Seattle’s best K-pop star Jay Park has blessed us with not one but two new music videos! Now, I don’t know what he’s been up to, but the boy looks like he’s lost some weight, which is fine because it’s not like his fans only liked him for his sexy body or anything…in any case, he doesn’t do any shirt-ripping, so we can’t tell what’s going on under there.

The first mv is primarily a dance video, though Dok2′s verse doesn’t feature much dancing and instead shows Jay in the background looking goofy cool. Jay’s dance partner is probably the first real black person I’ve seen in a K-pop mv that isn’t…blackface. For the acoustic mv, though, Jay ditches his dance partner for his café waitress, who apparently stirs the creeper inside him — he even secretly takes a photo of her! (Then again, I’m also guilty, so…) The photo he took prompts a prolonged fantasy sequence in which Jay and Waitress play piano on the beach and play piano by a window…I think what’s going on here is that Jay just wants someone to fulfill his piano duet fetish with him.

Brought to you by duckface Jay Park:

Poor guy is really working hard

In the 90s, we had Stomp. Nowadays, fans of bands who make music by banging on various non-conventional “instruments” can flock to OK Go, who are also sure to please anyone who enjoys watching giant rows of dominoes fall in the metaphor that all the work you do will be worthless unless you put it online for other people to see. With more than 3 million views in just two days — one of which was spent unlisted — this music video has blown the mind the Internet. I had so many questions!…which were mostly answered in the video description. (Seriously, people who ask questions that are already answered in the description are the bane of Youtube video uploaders…apart from the usual trolls that is.)

This mv was literally brought to us by Chevrolet, and you should get your hands on a Chevy Sonic plus a few hundred pianos and chimes if you want to replicate this enormous experiment. It certainly sets the bar even higher for OK Go and stretches the limits of the combined musical and visual creativity it takes to create a successful mv. I’m still trying to shake the mindset that the song is just a bunch of rhythmic noise created by four guys dressed like crayons in a sedan, but the fact that they could recreate an original song in this manner is truly remarkable.

If you didn’t get enough of M.I.A. (and her flawless legs) yesterday, here’s her first single off her upcoming album. The music video is like a Middle Eastern Fast and Furious, which lends the video a luxurious feel. It’s sexy even though everyone is fully dressed and driving around in beat-up cars. The scene of the rearing horses at 1:30 is especially gorgeous, like a heroic moment from Lawrence of Arabia.

Five minutes ago, I learned what car skiing is (this mv is even mentioned on the Wikipedia page!). Having to google “how to drive car wheels up” is a humbling experience for anyone who considers him or herself intelligent, but I’m glad to have gotten to the bottom of that mystery. Is there a reason this stunt is featured so prominently in the mv? Do bad girls live fast and die young because they get squashed when trying to pull cool car tricks?

If you had previously asked me what car skiing is, this is probably more along the lines of what I would visualize:

Great for sanding the bottoms of your shoes

So this is the song that Madonna will perform at this year’s Superbowl XLVI; I initially thought she had recorded it specifically for the event, but it’s a single from her upcoming album MDNA. The music is similar to Katy Perry’s “Last Friday Night,” which is to say that it’s a typical flavorless pop song that manages to grow on you despite the insipid spelling chants in the beginning — cheerleaders, football, I get it! Lucky Madonna gets to step all over the shoulders of a horde of nameless football players, who are probably the exact demographic she would most like to date (zing!), while M.I.A. and Nicki dutifully tag along as the only non-anime-eyed cheerleaders of the team.

At the age of 53, Madonna’s body is amazing. Anybody who criticizes her veins, biceps, skin, whatever, is a misogynist. (Give the aging lady a break!) Still, I can’t forgive her for spelling “luvin’” like that. Ugh. While I understand that Madonna is an international superstar, choosing her for the Superbowl halftime show seems a bit weird to me. None of the people I know who enjoy watching football (for reasons other than men in tight spandex) would appreciate a playfully random music video like this, and I wonder how many of them would be interested in watching her perform. Or breastfeed:

I'm pro-breastfeeding in public; this was just...very much unexpected in the mv.

Adam Lambert stops channeling Taylor Momsen for a bit to channel his inner Mulan, which I would say is an improvement. He paces around at home by himself, trying to deal with his inner demons like he’s in a Shit Bipolar People Say video or something. The struggle is pretty straightforward, as I’ve outlined in this brief dialogue:

"You're not wearing enough eyeliner! Your eyes look unacceptably TINY!"

"You're not wearing enough bronzer! You look like an ashen VAMPIRE!"

My favorite part is at 2:02, when Blue Lambert destroys a pomegranate — because pomegranate juice and alcohol are exactly the ingredients you need to build a fire. Of course, the best part of that is the disgusted look that Orange Lambert gives him afterward. The other hilarious thing is that the mv director saw fit to put in an “oxygen level” detector in Orange Lambert’s room in case viewers don’t know that it’s hard to breathe in a room full of fire.

If it seems like I’ve been watching a lot of K-pop these days, well, it’s true. I’ll get back to more mainstream music videos, I promise…in the meantime, let’s enjoy Se7en‘s new mv, which starts off with a triple whammy of a stage performance, G-Dragon cameo and the seductive whisper of JYP. Mmmm…wait, what? One of these does not belong. (If you’re confused, producer Park Jin-Young owns one of South Korea’s major music companies, while Se7en has always been under another one. And never the twain shall meet! Until now.)

Ultimately, this song is about Se7en questioning the affections of someone who is apparently supposed to care about him. I guess even the devotion of thousands of adoring fans isn’t enough if the one person you love doesn’t return the feeling. (That’s probably a good thing…don’t let the fame get to your head!) The set of the video is interesting; Se7en steps off the stage and out of the arena, clearly in an Asian country surrounded by Asian people, and gets dropped off somewhere in 1960s England:

Brown Tube offers 64 different shades of pixelated brown!

Seriously, though, K-pop mvs are slightly obsessed with the cute European street setting, as if singing and dancing in the street is normal or something. (Just kidding, it’s not only Koreans who do it, but it’s fun to imagine them all using the same set!) In the end, we can only assume that Se7en was taken by Samara.