Kyary Pamyu Pamyu (きゃりーぱみゅぱみゅ) – Tsukematsukeru (つけまつける)

So this is a song (perhaps THE song!) about false eyelashes. Kyary Pamyu Pamyu sits upon her throne, wearing the decapitated head of a false eyelash god (AKA tsukematsukeru kami, or つけまつける かみ*) as a crown, clearly a savvy PR tactic to get people to buy her line of falsies. The two lions kind of freak me out. They are neither cute nor majestic; instead, they dance like deranged circus animals who are fed a steady supply of cocaine.

Halfway through the music video, KPP descends her throne to join the lions, who have evolved into a rare breed of lion-crotch foxes. She dons a pair of boob-lashes, which is pure brilliance! If false eyelashes are supposed to make your eyes bigger, then one can conclude that boob-lashes will make your boobs appear bigger! The psychedelic background is really…something, isn’t it? Some see Illuminati imagery; I see enough fuel for a hundred fever-induced nightmares.

*Pure speculation. All the Japanese I know was learned from watching anime.

U-Kiss – Tick Tack

U-Kiss, the perpetual K-pop underdog that has the best acronym name (MBLAQ is a close second), makes its Japanese debut with “Tick Tack,” which is apparently how Japanese people spell “tick tock.” The inside of a clock tower will never not remind me of Harry Potter. Overall, the music video is a simple dance mv, so let’s focus on the song itself, which seems to be inspired by Gwen Stefani if you listen closely.

The lyrics of this song are gibberish, as is usually the case in pop music. However, after hearing that “Tick Tack” was written by JD Relic, an American, I didn’t expect the English to be this awkward. Then again, having watched a number of JD Relic’s Youtube videos, I probably should’ve expected as much. His skills as a producer are good, but as a lyricist, he lacks artistic appeal and linguistic creativity, and unfortunately, it shows in this song:

I shall be singing for you through the night
I shall be turning on the broken light

What? I know the broken light thing is a metaphor (one can hope), but it’s a broken one, and no amount of awkward phrasing can help turn it around (or on). (See what I did there?!) Anyway, I’m just bitter because the shoddy lyrics tainted an otherwise solid track from one of my favorite K-pop groups.