The Dillinger Escape Plan – Parasitic Twins

Man, nobody of note is releasing music videos these days (slightly related: do you think making lyric videos has spawned a new job sector, or does some poor A/V intern get saddled with the task of slaving over Adobe After Effects for  24 hours? I’m not sure how to feel about this relatively useless trend, though I’m leaning toward positive if it’s creating much-needed jobs…), so I’m branching out into the interesting genre of mathcore, a style of heavy metal I had never heard of until an hour ago. (I thought heavy metal only came in one style: heavy.) But if all mathcore is like this song, then I think my teenage self would’ve gotten along with it quite well.

The band members of The Dillinger Escape Plan (spoiler alert: Johnny Depp dies!) do not appear to be featured in this video as anything except Easter eggs, which is a great alternative to the typical “watch us lip-sync the whole song in a desert somewhere because that is an exciting way to waste 4 minutes of your life!” kind of rock videos. The mv itself is about finding love in a stencil plate-making factory. Ms. Plate-maker shows Mr. Smarmy DEP Marketing Guy a bit of her world, and he in turn introduces her to his. A truly post-industrial fairy tale if there ever was one.

Kaskade – Room For Happiness ft. Skylar Grey

I love Skylar Grey‘s music. Her album The Buried Sessions of Skylar Grey provides the undoubtedly superior versions of each popular collaboration/demo she has done (unless you really like rap, I guess). Anyway, the main artist of this song is Kaskade, who I just learned is actually a man. What?! I had always assumed the opposite. (My ignorance has its reasons — it sounds like a rather feminine moniker, does it not? For example, Cascading Style Sheets always sounded so elegant in my mind despite its actual über-nerdy entity…)

The song is solid, but the music video reflects the typical weaknesses that some DJs face when making videos: they don’t know how to do anything other than produce music. Acting is out of the question. Dancing? Let’s not even go there. Or perhaps there’s a kind of DJ complex that incites these typically behind-the-scenes people to make sure we don’t forget who’s making the music. Anyhow, we’re treated to the sight of Kaskade creepily DJing for Skylar Grey’s stark bedroom (while schizophrenically doing so for a concert at the same time?), and apparently his music induces hallucinations in his victim as well. (Kaskade not-so-subtly invokes the name of his most recent album.) This looks fun! I’m just waiting for the DJ Sims game to come out so I can replicate the experience.

Jason Mraz – I Won’t Give Up

What happened to Jason Mraz??!?!? Good lord, this is the worst Valentine’s gift I’ve ever received — the only way this drastic decline in appearance is acceptable is if Jason is dealing with chronic illness or spending time in a third world country helping others deal with chronic illness. You won’t give up…battling dysentery, right, Jason? Don’t let it get to you! Fight back (with a haircut & shave)!

On a more sentimental note, once you get past Jason’s altered appearance, this music video is all about love, ostensibly the theme of his entire forthcoming album. We’re shown what appear to be people who are typically disenfranchised — old people. Handicapped people. Non-white people. Children. I gather that from these somewhat unrelated images, we’re supposed to glean an inspirational message. In case these deep meanings are lost on you, here are some handy suggestions:

I won't give up on you for coming home dirty because you were crawling in mud.

I won't give up on you for finding your mascara & lipstick but losing your concealer.

I won't give up on you when you renounce your American citizenship & move to Canada to become a mounty because American politics are brain-dead. (In fact, I'd be happy to join you.)

And most of all, Jason, we won't give up on you for looking like the grungy cousin of Chad Kroeger. Get well soon ♥

Jessie and The Toy Boys – Runaway

We’d all be forgiven for misreading the band name as Jessie and the Boy Toys, right? I wondered if Jessie Malakouti’s band members resented being referred to as boy toys, but apparently that’s a non-issue because Jessie’s boys are actually mannequins, which is perhaps where the stars of Old Navy commercials get promoted to.

I love the major side-eye that Jessie’s friends give her when she flashes a bit of her bra across the table.

"Dis bitch..."

I’d probably do the same thing. (“No boobs at the dinner table!!”) But then there’s a plot twist! Turns out it’s more like this:

"Dis bitch...is definitely my soul mate."

Apparently, Jessie is batting for the other team. This music video is a celebration of the overturning of Prop 8 in California, and Mollie Thomas, who plays Jessie’s love interest, is an openly gay lesbian woman competing for the title of Miss California 2013. I don’t necessarily support beauty pageants, but anything to avoid the Miss California kerfuffle of 2009 is good, I guess.

Bridgit Mendler – Summertime

Where have I been??? Inexplicably taking a break from watching music videos — I apologize. But apparently people read this blog even when I don’t update (or at the very least, there are a lot of people who search for quattro volte vodka), so maybe it’s not a big deal. Onward!

I stumbled upon this video while searching for the music that plays at the end of the trailer for Studio Ghibli’s American release of The Secret World of Arrietty. Considering this is the official (North American) single for the movie, I figured this would be the song, but I was wrong, and was treated to this mess instead. As far as Disney-movie-tied mvs go, this one is pretty typical, though it doesn’t hold a candle to the veritable masterpiece of “I Still Believe” of Cinderella III (I do love me some Hayden Panettiere).

The only things holding this mv up are the clips from the movie, because even a subpar song and mediocre singer can’t ruin the magic of Hayao Miyazaki’s animations. This song has a Natasha Bedingfield feel if she sang like an un-autotuned Rebecca Black. (I think the song itself is mostly to blame for the weirdly bad vocals.) Bridgit’s name reminds me of other things, like bop it, twist it, pull it and pass it.